So, I lied. In my last post, I said that I would be covering a fashion-related topic. I began typing away last night, but couldn’t peel my eyes away from the Jaycee Dugard special that was on television at the time. Despite having lost 18 years of her youth, Jaycee has managed to have an optimistic outlook on life. Hearing her story really put things into perspective for me; much bigger problems encompass us all.
Disclaimer: this is a long and heavy duty post, so feel free to stop reading now.
After watching the interview, I no longer felt passionate about my original subject, as it seemed trivial and overly superficial. While I recognize that it’s perfectly fine to discuss light-hearted topics, I simply didn’t want to post something just for the sake of posting. The perfectionist in me shined through, but I don’t necessarily find it to be a setback.
My blog, schoolwork, job, and overall appearance is a personal reflection of myself. In order to take pride in what I do, I have to hold myself accountable. I know my own capabilities, and I certainly have not been living up to the expectations that I have set forth.
Over the course of the past two days, I have typed up three draft posts, but none of them were properly depicting the message that I wanted to convey–partly because I didn’t know what I wanted to convey. I wish I could lie and say that life has been full of rainbows and unicorns, but lately I’ve been feeling a huge amount of stress. And I don’t even know why! I’m not doing anything with my life right now (and I think that’s the problem)!
Let me paint a picture of what my life has looked like recently:
My throat closed up and I had a bizarre reaction to lentil soup. My mom wanted to take me to the hospital, but I convinced her that I knew how to handle the situation. The reaction was similar to that of the Luna bar incident, though a bit more severe. Luckily, I was fine (after two Benadryls), but I think it’s time I take some allergy tests.
I went to a new spa and salon for an eyebrow wax, and the weirdo working there burned me. While I was waiting for a prescription to be filled at the pharmacy, I thought I would check out the green salon that recently opened. I should have paid attention to the red flags; the women working at the front desk were beyond weird and one of them ended up being my esthetician. I’m all for organic products, but the wax smelled like burlap.
I had to pull over to the side of the road and lay face down next to my car. I was driving this morning and heard a noise beneath my car. I could tell that something was dragging, but I wasn’t sure what the source of the sound was. In order to get a better look, I had to lay in the street and literally crawl under my car (thankfully no one drove by at the time) to unwedge the branch that was stuck in the undercarriage.
I got stung by a bee. Twice. I slipped into a bathing suit, lathered up with sun screen, grabbed my book and headed out by my pool this afternoon. I was looking forward to spending quiet time reading poolside, but as I was laying out my towel, a bee came out of nowhere and stung me once on my calf (resulting in a cankle) and once on my toe. About 6,396 expletives escaped my mouth. And yes, I was cussing at the bee.
A tree branch hit me in the thigh. I went for a run this evening with my brother and as I was trucking up a hill, a foot-long tree branch whacked me in the thigh. Brian threw it at me.
These series of events are unfortunate, but guess what? That’s life. I’ve definitely had my fair share of sulking, but it’s not getting me anywhere.
I haven’t had this much free time in a while and it’s a scary thing. Since I graduated from high school two years ago, this is my first semester off from school. It’s liberating to have a break from textbooks, but I also feel completely unproductive. Normally my days are filled by a full-time nannying position, sessions at the gym, and outings with friends. In an attempt to shake up my usual routine, I declined several jobs this summer, hoping that my other plans would come to fruition.
Though a few opportunities presented themselves, none of them felt right. At the start of summer, I was working as an intern in the Baltimore area. However, as time went on, I quickly realized that the internship was not for me. I’m well aware that a start-up job is not always going to be interesting, and definitely not glamorous, but I was not able to show my full potential.
It was a waste of time, and was not giving me the opportunity to learn or grow in The Real World. From past experiences, I have learned that I do the best when there is structure. I couldn’t help the woman that I was working for simply because she wasn’t helping me. She would give me tasks to complete, but wouldn’t provide the necessary information–information which was not made public, so even if I did my own research, I wouldn’t get anywhere.
Ultimately, the position just fizzled out after a month. I didn’t resign and I wasn’t fired. All communication abruptly stopped. While it’s frustrating that I didn’t benefit in any way, I did learn to follow my instincts. If something doesn’t feel right from the get-go, there’s probably a reason for it. I want to be able to completely submerge myself in whatever it is that I do–I don’t want to half-ass it. I want to be excited about all aspects of my life, including my job.
My current state of limbo has hindered my ability to progress, but I came to the realization tonight that I can’t just settle. While it’s easier said than done, I’m hoping to use this time to excel personally and to continue to exhaust all creative outlets. I’m going to improve in the areas that I can control, and let the rest fall into place.
So…anyway, who’s watching The Bachelorette? Can you believe Ashley let Ryan go home?